


I Want You On My Mind, In My Dreams, Behind These Eyes

by Jayenator565



Series: Lost In This Moment With You [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, It's kinda enemies to lovers, Lexa is thirsty af, Light Angst, Sexual Tension, Smut, i think, like alot in the beginning, not my usual but i did it...it is done
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-26
Updated: 2015-07-26
Packaged: 2018-04-11 06:31:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4425032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jayenator565/pseuds/Jayenator565
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The requested sequel to, 'It's A Give and Take, Kind of Love we Make' .<br/>Lexa's managed as best she could to avoid the blonde ever since the night she found Clarke alone, in her room, writhing on her bed. It can become a bit harder to avoid someone when she's caught you completely off guard, cornered and naked.<br/>Inspired by the song: A Familiar Taste of Poison by Halestorm</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Want You On My Mind, In My Dreams, Behind These Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> So...since it was requested by quite a few of you, even got it prompted to me by a friend and an anon so...here you guys go.  
> Warning, may not make sense without reading it's predecessor.

 

Three days

It had been three days since she crossed a line

She had been able to successfully evade the blonde that resided on the room right across the hall from hers for three days and counting.

If Ryder thought it odd that Lexa now requested all of her meals in her room, chose to leave hours earlier than her duties required and usually stuck to the shadows if she heard even a whisper of the Skai Prisa’s name, he wisely held his tongue about it.

Her head, her heart, _her body_. Everything was a jagged mess and it was all because of one singularity that had stolen the light from her life and replaced it with those infuriatingly mesmerizing blue eyes. With every breath she found herself smelling her lavender soap that she had personally traded for from the boat people, every sigh or laugh would remind her of the husky timber of her voice. She silently swore to herself every time her fingers felt the old memory of Clarke’s skin from her moment of weakness before they went to war. These past few days had been absolute torture, but a part of her wished dearly for it to never end.

 

**_I breathe you in again just to feel you_ **

**_Underneath my skin, holding on to_ **

****

Three days and two nights ago Lexa may have irrevocably ruined the only chance she had at restoring what little she could of the now damaged relationship between herself and Clarke.

_Clarke…_

Just the thought of her conjured up fleeting images of arched backs and Clarke’s furious hands. Eyebrows scrunched in determination. Pure ecstasy on her face as she reached her release. Shallow breaths and gasps and moans. Letting lust and desire fuel her frantic motions, her calls. She could still practically hear the girl moaning her name while she pleasured herself-

That was when she roughly shook herself from her inner musings, taking in her surroundings. Just in time to deflect the blade trained at her throat.

Lexa jumped back placing space between her and her training partner, a new determination in her eyes. She would not think, because thinking led to memories of a certain blonde haired leader that she could not afford to entertain at this moment. No she would react on instinct and she would clear her mind if only for this instance.

When Ryder lunged forward again his sword gripped firmly to slash at what he thought was her exposed left side Lexa rolled forward, her back barely missing the edge of his blade, bringing her behind him and struck with the hilt of her sword into the bend of his knee forcing him forward and down. Bringing her own blade just short of the back of the guard’s neck.

 _“Skrish” ,_ shit Ryder cursed in true Trikru fashion but accepted his defeat and clasped arms with his Heda.

The warriors and people of Polis gathered around the open area with marks in the earth, that served as their training grounds, cheered at her win. Turning their attention to the other warriors sparring in their own marked off pits.

 _“I thought I may have had you that time Heda.”_ He said with a sheepish grin, Lexa returned with a small one of her own, barely there but Ryder recognized the teasing grin

 _“Maybe if you were not so slow old friend, your brute strength cannot save you from everything.”_ She said dropping his hand and bending down at the corner of the training area to grab a jug of water and fill two empty cups with water, passing one to Ryder.

 _“Hmph, I find it has served you and the Skai Heda very well before.”_  Lexa almost choked on her sip but managed to play it off as a cough. Well she thought she managed to play it off.

Ryder looked wary before forcing himself to make eye contact with his Heda, by now the two were making their way back towards Lexa’s quarters in the unofficial palace near the edge of the capital.

 _“Heda, may I speak freely?”_ Lexa considered for a brief moment before nodding her head.

 _“You seem…distracted these past few days. Your body is almost always tensed and sometimes your breathing will change slightly. That was the main reason why I thought I would win our bout earlier. Maybe there is something you need to get off your chest?”_ He both suggested and offered knowing not to push too hard for fear that he would be unintentionally disrespectful.

Lexa could feel the anger bubbling in her chest but quickly pushed it down. She could not be upset that one of her oldest companions had noticed her moments of weakness. He was clearly only showing concern for her well-being and within good reason.

She looked towards him softening her gaze, _“There is quite a bit on my mind Ryder but do not be too worried. It is something I have to handle on my own. I will be fine.”_

Not entirely convinced by her answer but not wanting to push any further either he meekly nodded his head, _“Sha Heda.”_

 

\--

 

That was it, she could no longer focus.

It was as if the short chat with Ryder had opened some kind of dam because for the rest of that day and well into the afternoon Lexa’s could not shake the thought of Clarke. The feel of Clarke. The taste of…

While in the markets for lunch everywhere she turned, she was met with the rare sight of blonde hair, or perhaps a blue tinted leather jacket.

While in the Senate for a meeting the passion that the speaker used to argue their points had only equated to, “You’re the one who sent them there to kill us.” Over and over until it resembled a dull droning in her ear.

But she refused such insolence from her own head. She fought it and pushed it down at every turn, only to tumble head first back into the remnants of charcoal hands and bruised soft skin, only just touched by the horrors the ground had to offer her. If only she knew, somehow, what could she have done differently? To help staunch the steady flow of blood that had accumulated on Clarke’s once steady hands.

The guilt, this feeling, this pain she knew she deserved. At one point she even yearned for it.

 

**_The sweet escape is always laced with a familiar taste of poison_ **

 

Yearned to feel anything after believing in her heart for so many days that she had left the one girl she could truly come to love…to die. And in a way Clarke was indeed dead, for her actions had changed her so irrevocably.

She was always so strong, so caring.

And that was one of her greatest downfalls.

She was still too caring. But Lexa loved that about her all the same. She loved her voice, especially her laugh. She loved the wry way she would try to hide her lips in a secret smile. She loved the freckle just above her upper lip and the sun kissed tan she had become so accustomed to on what once was milky white. Almost unhealthily pale.

She loved her gait, confident, powerful…commanding. She loved her brain, so smart, so willing to learn and adapt and compromise with even the best of her generals.

She loved and she lusted

And she loved some more because yes she had fallen so deeply before she had even realized it and that revelation had hit her hard after recognizing the full extent to what she had done taking that deal.

And on and on her mind went from love to lust to pain to guilt to loss to happiness and love and she could not stop this cycle no matter how much she tried to stem the doings of her mind.

But then that was her first mistake because these musings were not just borne of her mind but rather of her heart, her soul. The very being of Lexa crying out to hold and protect and shower happiness onto the blonde for as long as she had breath.

 

**_I wish you well, but desire never leaves_ **

**_I could fight this til the end_ **

**_But maybe I don't want to win_ **

**\--**

Later that night Lexa found herself once again requesting her dinner be brought to her room. On the way in she had very nearly had a run in with the very woman that plagued her already night and day. She wasn’t sure exactly what seeing her physically in front of her would do to her body. If the distant memory of her lips was enough to stir the desire she thought she’d buried deep inside of her and the other night’s invasion of her privacy was enough to make her touch herself she very much doubted anything good would come of being face to face with Clarke for a while. At least not until she found a way to release all the ‘tension’, she was presently feeling.

An attendant came as usual to clear her wares and later another would approach to ask, as was customary, if she required help with her bath. Lexa toyed with the thought of giving into her urges and bedding the girl. It would be of no problem, her people recognized the benefits of giving and receiving pleasure often. It was common for previous Commanders to bed their attendants or any other person they found attractive if the need had ever arisen.

 It was an honor to share the Commander’s bed and this was something she used to take advantage of often in her bid to get over the grief of losing Costia 3 years ago. Instead of being haunted by her dreams she would spend all night with a body squirming underneath her until her duties called for her the next day. Sleep was something she deemed less and less necessary as the seasons wore on. Thankfully Anya could see how self-destructive her activities were truly becoming and was able to help her become stable again. It had been a year or so since she felt another’s touch intimately. Still she would not use someone to try and stem what she clearly felt for another. She was done with using people meaninglessly, so as usual, she refused the assistance and sent the girl on her way.

Letting her tub fill with warm water and mixing in the scented oils, Lexa stripped and fully relaxed for the first time all day. Reclining her body against the back of the tub and hanging her head on the edge, closing her eyes as she exhaled deeply. Tiredly. Knowing her guards down the hall would not let anyone disturb her except for the attendant who she would immediately send away, she finally stopped rebelling against what her body craved and gave in. Mind instantly replaying all she had seen and heard and felt that night. Clarke was like an intoxicating elixir that made her never want to be sober.

She could almost feel her nipples hardening under the lukewarm water. She heard her door crack open tentatively along with the usual question, “Heda? Do you require assistance with your bath?”

Lexa merely shook her head with her eyes still closed and said, “No, you may leave.”

She heard the soft pads of the girl’s footsteps go back to her bedroom door and, after a bit of a pause, heard the door close behind her. This was why she was surprised when she heard footsteps approach her bathroom again and her body tensed where she was lounging.

 _“I said to leave”_ she said in Trigedasleng, voice warningly low.

Hearing the footsteps come even closer she made to place her arms at the tub’s edge to lift herself and punish whoever would dare disobey her. Shoulders bunched and ready to lift her weight Lexa froze as she felt warm breath on the back of her ear and hands clamp down on her shoulders in a vice like grip,

_“Good thing I don’t take orders from you.”_

**_I don't wanna be saved, I don't wanna be sober_ **

Lexa gaped in a way she was sure Clarke would have found purely comical if not for the fact that the very girl was now behind her. Lexa dumbly became pliant under Clarke’s burning touch as her hands firmly pushed the Commander back into her earlier lounging position. Although Lexa found she could not release the startlingly strong grip she had established on the sides of the tub.

Her head barely tilted to the side before one of Clarke’s hands came to pinch her shoulder,

“Uh uh, no peeking. You did enough of that the other night.”

Lexa gulped and nodded still not quite absorbing what was happening to her. She felt the hands slowly begin to trail along her still coiled arms. With each inch she figured Clarke must have rolled up her sleeves or was wearing a sleeveless shirt. In any case more bare skin trailed along her arms until her fingers gently coaxed Lexa’s off the edge of the tub basin. The girl’s breathing strangely calm, as if she hadn’t decided to enter Lexa’s bathing room, unannounced while she was naked and well _bathing_.

Bringing her hands back to Lexa’s shoulder, nails lightly scratching at the skin Clarke hummed, “Something wrong Commander? You seem all wound up.” Her voice innocent but Lexa glared at the water in front of her. The blonde knew exactly what she was doing.

Lexa felt Clarke’s left hand start to press gently against her upper back, like a massage she realized. It felt good, so good in fact that she barely noticed Clarke's right hand drifting downwards, past her collar bone until it was determinedly hovering just off her taunt right nipple.

Her mouth finally seemed to co-operate with her brain as she growled at the girl

“Clarke…”

She heard the breathing at her ear hitch before Clarke husked, _“Leksa”_

Never had her name sounded so much like sin. Sharp spikes of arousal were pooling within her in time with her racing heartbeat. She bit back a slowly building groan and felt her breathing become shallow, Clarke’s hand was so close to her breast…

****

**_Drink the wine, my darling, you said_ **

**_Take your time, consume all of it_ **

 

No

She needed to focus, despite the hand still gently massaging her sore muscles. This wasn’t right, this wasn’t normal. She began to pull away when she felt Clarke’s hand grab back at her shoulders.

“Clarke.” She tried again and heard an annoyed sigh.

“What? Do you not want this? Just say the word Lexa and I’ll go.”

Lexa had to physically bite her tongue before it yelled to the heavens how much she felt like she more than wanted it, she _needed_ it and sorted out her thoughts.

The most she could manage from her traitorous body was an imperceptible nod.

At her silence Lexa felt her body being pushed by Clarke’s strong hands further into the tub and away from her, she breathed a silent thank you. Until she heard the splash behind her and was assaulted with the feel of Clarke’s bare skin, her legs coming to rest beside Lexa’s and her breast resting taunt on Lexa’s back. One hand firmly massaging her neck, the other beginning to mold to her own breast.

Lexa moaned at the unexpected feeling, brain turned to mush as her senses attacked by everything Clarke. Feeling her hand travel even further south Lexa willed her mouth to say something, anything

“Clarke, this isn’t-, “ she paused looking for the right word, but Clarke only scoffed

“This isn’t healthy? Normal?” Clarke’s hands paused and she nearly whimpered at the loss.

“No.” Lexa said shaking her head, although those things were in fact true, “Clarke, this isn’t you.”

Clarke let out a dry humorless chuckle in response and continued her earlier ministrations.

“You’re right this isn’t me, and that’s the point Lexa. I’m _tired_ of me. I’m tired of this feeling weighing me down. I’m tired of feeling haunted by what I’ve done, by the **monster** I’ve become!”

Lexa went to cut her off but at the rougher press against her shoulders stayed silent

“I’m tired of caring so damn much and most of all, Lexa.” She quieted to a whisper then

“I’m tired of how much I **want _you_**.”  

Lexa gulped audibly

“If you’re worried about me regretting this, or even about taking advantage don’t be. I want this. Now, enough talk.” Clarke said biting the other girl’s shoulder as she firmly cupped Lexa’s sex. She threw her head back leaning into the body behind her, and bit her lip to try and restrain herself but it just felt so good and she had wanted this for so long...

 

**_But the roses were only to drain my inspiration_ **

**_The promises were spoiled before they left your lips and..._ **

 

Her body jolted, mouth opening in a silent scream when without warning, Clarke penetrated her with two fingers as far as her hand could go. She could feel the shudder ripple through the body anchoring her tightly against her chest. Once her body relaxed to the sudden intrusion Clarke started a steady rhythm, fingers pumping in and out at an alarming rate. Clarke’s thumb circling tortuously around her clit every time she ground her hand into Lexa’s heat.

“Mmm so. Fucking. Wet. Lex.” She punctuated with especially hard thrusts.

Lexa grunted. She could hear the moans and squeals. Hisses and whimpers that could have only come from her body but she had a hard time associating the noise with the fact that it was coming from her, because Clarke was, for all intents and purposes, fucking her. It made it easy for her to give up all conscious efforts of muffling her noises.

“You were already so wet when I entered you. What exactly were you up to before I got here?” the voice behind her rasped. She could hear the smirk in her tone.

She almost squeezed her legs closed when Clarke curled her fingers hitting a particularly sensitive spot, but Clarke just wrapped her ankles around Lexa’s and spread her as wide as the tub would allow, placing bites on her neck that she was sure would show clearly tomorrow.

It was Lexa’s turn to shudder, eyes rolled back feeling Clarke’s lips caress the edge of her back tattoo.  Her hips began to grind against the pace Clarke had set and she could feel herself getting close. The blonde let out a rich moan in her ear pushing Lexa even closer to her orgasm and making her let out a deep throaty groan in response. A part of her mind was beginning to worry about her guards walking in on them in such compromising positions but suddenly found herself not caring when she felt her orgasm race through her body making her muscles spasm. Clarke had turned her neck just enough to press an open mouthed kiss to hers in an attempt to quiet her moans of the blonde girl’s name.

She briefly registered Clarke’s chaste kisses on her cheeks and now bruised lips as she came down from her release. Clarke had an arm draped lazily around her waist from behind and somehow Lexa’s hand had managed to tangle their fingers together. She panted still when Clarke finally removed her fingers from within her and leaned forward bending her knees at the loss. Lips trailed down from the top of her spine. She felt totally and completely consumed by the woman behind her.

“C-Clarke?” Lexa asked, gasping as she felt Clarke extract her limbs from around the girl and stand. Lexa hung her head dejectedly, of course this wouldn’t change anything, not in a way that mattered anyway, she wasn’t sure what she truly expected when-

Her thoughts cut off feeling Clarke’s lips at the base of her neck, “Get up, the water’s cold.”

Lexa’s eyes widened but she did as she was bid and stepped out of the tub only to be instantly enveloped by her cotton towel. She finally faced her seductress finding her, pupils still blown but a tired yawn escaping her mouth. She grabbed Lexa’s hand with her left one and led them to the bed to lay down. Dampness from their skin coating a bit of Lexa’s furs but she couldn’t bring herself to care as Clarke curled her body around her own in the bed, legs tangling and thighs pressed against each other simply sharing their body heat.

She was almost tempted to think it was all a dream, but the stings from the scratches and bites along her shoulders and the undergarments by the door to her bathroom said otherwise.

Lexa wasn’t sure when but she had found a dreamless peaceful sleep and awoke more refreshed than ever.

She had opened her eyes to confirm what her body already knew

Clarke was already gone

And they were no closer to figuring out what the hell _this_ was

 

**_I want you on my mind, in my dreams behind these eyes_ **

**_And I won't wake up, no not this time._ **

**_A familiar taste of poison_ **

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> There's probably a few mistakes, i couldn't really fully look over it but i will get around to it.  
> Part of a series now just so you know, but i don't think it'll be updated too often. at least not until i get a few more prompts and my spy au finally done.  
> Feel free to hit me up: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/jayenator565


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